Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Sniling at the zenful times in life

Just recently I had a bout of constipation due to MS...such fun right? Seriously 5 days clogged up. On the fifth day I drank day old coffee which eased it free. Lol I am sorry for being so graphic but you know what, it is a part of life. When I pooed I smiled a big ol' grin. Like "Oh thank goodness"!
Pooping is very zenful I think. It is the expulsion of the bad. I ad posted a question on how others deal with constipation on the National M.D. Foundation on Facebook and I received so many great hints and comments! I do want to thank everyone for their suggestions. It is an issue that people with MS deal with because the signal from the brain is not connecting or sending as it should.

All in all, my message is that with MS you are thankful for such little things but to us, they are big!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

unrealistic worries

For some reason the worry of me having another seizure popped into my head. I had one seizure like 3 or 4 years ago in Madison Wisconsin when we were visiting our friends. I remember sitting in a chair ad Shawn and Alex talking about bikes while I looked out the window, watching a squirrel, when I started to get panicky. Then I come to in an ER and some nurse says in a Minnesotian accent , "Oh I hear you had a seizure, eh?" The doc put me on anti-seizure meds until I could get back to Cleveland and see my neurologist. They made me feel zombified. I ask my doc to take me off of them. He did, and I haven;t had a seizure since. For some reason though, sometimes I fear having another. See...unrealistic!
I guess with life, I should just sit back and enjoy the ride

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Shaking hand no more?

Had a morning Hypnotherapy sesasion with Richard Chase. He mainly concentrated on the tremors in my right hand. At first I did not feel that I was that under but I was. I remember him telling me to imagine workers in my body to fix the wires in my brain and spinal cord. For those workers to insulate those wires. Something I can always have them go back and do if I need.

End result? My hand is not really shaky, it happens few and far between moments. I ate my lunch with my right hand again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Once again, "hello hand" Richard has helped with both hands now. A year ago with my left hand and now with my right.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011


It is so hard to except ones inability to do things anymore especially when you have been really independant. It saddens me beyond belief because of the recent lack of interdependency. That and when I go to bed I wonder and pray to God that I will be able to walk the next day,

Sorry I am not very positive right now but this is a way to get these things off my chest.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

trying to stay afloat

So I have been Raily busy with doing or having done two research studies and soon to be a third. One for balance and MS, Lipoic acid study, and willo soon do a motion and MS. The money I make on the lipoic acid study will go towards getting me a new passport. I sew no point in me getting a state ID here i Oregon when $50 more can get mne a passport.I am not doing these studies for the money though. I figure all I really do usually is play video games, watch something, read or nap. Why not help the research with MS?!

I am trying to not be sad about this, but i SEE HOW MUCH THIS DISEASE HURTS THE ONES I love when I am not doing well. I try to be happy or at least put on a smile even when I am not feeling that great because that smile will go to the person i AM SMILING TO, AND Come back to me. I am sorry about the caps. I have rewritten this post so many times, I just don't care.

ack I am trying to be the happy goth girl still but it is getting harder


Thursday, September 15, 2011

mind of thier own

my body and socially my hands gave a mind of their own. My hands esoecially. I have trouble usuing the mouse, my hands shake above the keyboard, my signature is horriable now and taking noes while on the phonelike phone numbers is next to impossa. I try so hard to do things but I have to fight and plead with my body to work.
God MS is so hard! Even sitting in this lower seat tryibg to type my thughts is hard. I have to do everything I can not to give up.
I won't lie, it is simetimes aooeakubg.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Another problem this morning. What fun

Early this morning I really had to pee, but again I had a little trouble from sitting up in bed. After a few tries and with Shawn's help I stood up. God I really had to pee. Shawn had to help escort me down the hallway because my feet were dragging a bit. When we got to the bathroom I was about to burst! Shawn let go of me so I Can do my thing and in my urgency, I tried to move too fast to get to the toilet. I tripped on my feet and fell snacking my lower back and Head on the tub. OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwwww I let out the loudest yelp! That and I couldn't hold it anymore so I am sitting near the tub, in pain, and pee soaked PJs. God I love MS!
Shawn came in right after my cry and got me his pair of creeper shorts and helped me back to bed. I am glad I did not do any more damage to myself but I am still in pain because of my back. I wonder can I just say to myself "quit being so clumsy"!

Moral of the story, get a bed side commode

Friday, August 19, 2011

medicare not so hot

I recieved a letter today from the local social security office telling me I am going to be getting only $501 for SSI/SSDI which is some $167 less. I call and ask why because I use my SSI money to pay my rent which is $500 and then my utilities. yeah how the fuck am I supposed to pay for my utilities when I will get the bare minimum to pay the rent. I call abd ask why and they say the $167 goes to paying my medicare. I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING ASK TO GET MEDICARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
The reasong they put me on medicare because I now have an incurable disease. Now they have to pay for it and it doesn't even cover it all.
Shawn is not working much at the Scottish Rite and has applied for so many jobs on Craigslist. It is not his fault at all. I just don't know what to do....

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

research and prescriptions

I may do two research studies for OHSU and the VA hospital. One on Lypolic acid and the other on balance. I really want to do the one on balance but I mentioned I had ONE seizure in my life so I may not be able to do it. And I have a prescription for a bedside commode a wheelchair and a cooling vest but I need to find a merdical supply store that offers Care Oregon. blech and now I need to get back to cleaning. yay

Sunday, August 7, 2011

nearly a week in the hospital

Having to stay at the hospital because your MS does not work well with other illnesses BLOWS. I just had an upper respiratory infectikon and for most people it only takes a couple of days to clear up. With MS I get the pleurae of being there 6 days. And looking chewed up like a junkie.

\At least I am home now. I missed Shawn and our puppy so much They are my family.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

mixing illness and MS=ER

So an interesting couple of days..yesterday morning I couldn't walk at all and I really had to pee. Real bad. Shawn called for an ambulance b because I couldn't move or sit up. Well I had to spend all day in the ER but there is some light at the end of the tunnel. I had to do an MRI right then and there. They saw no new lesions or any pronounced old ones!!!!!!!!!!!!! That made me so happy. They ended up discharging me because I am getting over an upper respiratory infection while it is also battling myself. Even this morning when I woke up and desperately had to pee again and had trouble moving my feet I had the best husband EVER help me to the bathroom. So since my body is attacking my good immune cells it also needs to attack the bad germs. I guess my body is not a good multitasker anymore.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

MS=More Strength

So today I have decided that MS stands for More Strength. You need to grow strength to fight through this stupid disease.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

forget the false fantasy

With MS you will sometimes predict your future; like I will be unable to walk, I will be in a wheelchair, or I will have a lower life expectancy. All of which are NOT definite. I find myself saddened by the limitations I sometimes have and think the first two but I see with positive thinking and acceptance can get past it. Easier said than done but then I remember what Shawn tells me. If you take life too seriously, you never get out alive.

The point is, you never know what the future will hold and if you can't do anything about it; why worry?? Just sit back and enjoy life with friends and family at your side.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Little victories

I write in celebration of my own little victories. You know those caps that you need to pull off to pour out the toothpaste in many cases? I was having the hardest time putting them back on so I would leave it open, hence the toothpaste tube would have dried toothpaste on it and be unsightly. Colgate has the flip-top lid so I would try to get that one. Well after running out of toothpaste the cheapest brand was one with the normal lid. Lately I have been able to put the lid back on with no trouble! I am now so excited about this every time. You have to celebrate the little victories in life.

By the way I just had my four year anniversary on the 5th. I found out I have MS "inconclusively' though. Did not have insurance and instead of referring me to medicaid I had to keep it a secret until I could they said. Thank you Cleveland Clinic because after I had foot drop where I walked like Igor, fell A LOT, and once pissed myself, I couldn't walk and they took me to Metro when they got me on steroids and on medicaid. Anyways my dear friend Trina and my mom were at the Mellen Center when they first diagnosed me and I couldn't begin to even thank them for how much it meant to me to have them there.

Monday, July 4, 2011

new chair less adventure

Our friend Brian Hinz gave Shawn a new computer chair so adios super adventure chair! Now I can update and not fear for my life. Ok over-exaggeration there.
I did officially get denied occupational theapy. I guess being 28 with MS you still do not need it. But hey I have come up with ways of describing how I am doing.

On good days M.S. stands for More Surprises

on kinda cruddy days it is Mostly Stupid

and on horrible, my body is not behaving properly I go all Richard Pryor and it is
MORE SHIT you gotta deeal with

today is in between More Surprises amnd Mostly Stupoid because my right hand is numb a little. But I have had worse.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Will I get occupational therapy?

Of all the kinds of therapy I need right now (mental not included you smart ass) is occupational therapy, work with teaching my hands to do things, I went for my 1 hr physical thearapy interview at the NE Glisan Providence and found out Care Oregon willo not cover any more sessions. A week later I got my 1/2 hour occupational therapy interview. For one, why was that only a half hour when I needed that the most and I bet because Care Oregon will not cover physical thearapy they probably will not cover occupational.
Last year I recieved a letter from Care Oregon saying that I am only alloted 4 sessions of PT AND 9 SESSIONS OF OT! And the reason they noted? BECAUSE OF MY AGE! like I purpsosly said to God, "He I want an incurable s=disease that limits my bodily fuctions like walking and now eating and even makes it hard to brush my teeth and type,

Thank you for not helping Care Oregon andf Oregon Medicaid as a whole. I am sorry I got MS at a young age!!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

a long long road

so my shaking right hand has gotten so bad eating, writing, and even usuing me computer and even Shawn's PC. Also found out I have almost dangerously low levels of the thyroid hormone. I think I am broken...no I am brokrn. Ich bin Kaputt! It is even shaking so bad I cannot hit the spellcheck button.

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A girl who HATES shopping..at least now

The Kenton masonic lodge he is a part of is having its centennial June 18 and a big ball of sorts. This I will need a dress for. My mother sends us some money, some of which to find a dress. We go out to the Lloyd Center to find Macy's and Torrid. The first store we hit is Marshall's; nothing good there. Then we go to Torrid. Some cute dresses but $70+ dresses that my boobs are actually too small to fit in. We spent a long time there and by that point my body is dragging. I make it to Macy's with Shawn helping me walk. We peruse the Juniors section' nothing but REALLY short dresses. Hello I am 6ft tall. Those would just look like shirts on me. I am really dragging at that point but we decide to look in the women's department. Nancy Reagen called she wants he dresses back. I can barely even walk now and had to sit almost every ten feet. It felt as if I were walking through quicksand. Shawn takes me to the entrance and I sit on a curb while he finds the car and picks me up.
I guess I had learnt two things..
1. I have a WONDERFUL husband for helping and supporting me
2. I hate shopping now that the MS limits my body the way it does. Most guys would love to have a wife who said "I hate shopping" but Shawn said "I just want you to find a dress that you love". See number #1.

I am pooped. Tomorrow we will check out H&M

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

coffee drenched feet

so this morning was a not-so0fun morning. After a restless night and my inability to get up I finally did. Luckily one of my roommates made some coffee earlier and the pot was still warming on the burner. This morning was a much needed coffee moment. I pour myself a tall cup of coffee and as I got to pick it up, I tilt the tall cup of coffee all over the floor and my feet. AWESOME As I am cursing the heavens and this stupid disease I clean up the floor and towel off my feet and go into the bedroom. I say to Shawn "You will never believe what I did this morning." "Did you spill the coffee?" "How'd you know?" I asked. "You smell like it." he said. So I put on my bathrobe to take a shower. It is hard to clean off my feet while standing in the shower so I sit down to give my feet a much needed scrub. My feet are finally clean of coffee smell but my legs did not have the power to stand.
I cry and keep trying but I just cannot do it. Eventually, after sobbing a bit and giving my legs a short rest, Shawn helps pick me up onto my feet and guide me over the tub walls.
After sobbing a bit more I put on my dry, coffee free clothes and sit in the front room where Shawn brings me some coffee...TO DRINK!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

occupational therapy a must again

so my right hand is still shaking when I try to use it..writing, hold the phone, and even eat. I now have to try to use my left hand...eating is the most difficult. It embarrasses me to eat in public struggling to eat. At a Chinese restaurant yesterday I even cried a little,,,or was that two days ago. I think it was. Still it is so annoying that I have to retrain my body to do "simple" things like eat, write, and even tie a shoelace.
The best part is that my insurance does not deem me qualified to get occupational therapy because they said "OF MY AGE". ARGH!!! Monday I have to try to set up another appointment with my primary care doctor and see what she can do. MS has a new term. Mostly Stupid because this disease is so hard to treat because it affects everyone differently.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

pets and a wonky chair

so it has been a while since I have updated this blog because I use my husband's computer and his wonky computer chair is broken. We call this chair the "Super Adventure Chair" because it is held together by one bolt.
Anyways I finished watching an episode of Doctor Who and was about to nap when our cat Monday jumped down to lie on me and had Paul's cat at my feet. Monday was purring and I said "I love you Monday. I love all my pets. You guys really help me get through the hard times. I am also lucky to have found Shawn and so many good friends."
And then it dawned on me. I have met so many good friends here. Shawn's lodge feels like family. I miss my parents but I know when they visit they will understand. I have met great friends, great doctors who actually keep me in the loop with this disease, wonderful, breathtaking nature, a great climate, fresh food...

Grass is greener on the other side. I could never move back. This IS our home now

Sunday, May 1, 2011

Wow It truly is more surprises

The shaky hand has slowly seemed better. A little stagnant at times but I refused to think that. Well today it has gotten worse. I guess MS just wants to make life more interesting??

It took me 10 mins to hook my bra up today...again. And I was falling all over my bedroom. Luckily I just kept falling on the bed. I am so used to falling that I fall gracefully and aim to land in the least painful way. *sigh*

but hey I think I want to become a positive speaker. Heck if MS wants to steal my dreams of travelling the world as an art history professor, why not travel the world as a positive speaker about MS. Maybe even write a book or have someone write the book for me, because even this takes a bit out of me. We shall see

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Everything I wanted I guess...

Right now I have everything I ever dreamed of and wanted. A great, wonderful husband, friends and family that I love and they love me, a puppy and some kitties, got to travel a bit internationally and quite a bit nationally, great experiences...all of which I cherish most dear. It is just this disease that breaks my heart. I do try to stay positive but times like right now I cannot help but cry.....

This disease is so stupid!It is sad too because they don't know why people get it, so there truthfully is no way to arm yourself from getting it. I just hope that some day they will discover why it hits you and then discover a cure. I do know there has been great work in researching this disease. I guess time will tell.

Saturday, April 23, 2011


Ok after me breaking two glasses doing dishes I wrap it up-have my chili-mac that room ate Zach Fischer made and had a glass of wine. Well after soaking in the relaxing tub and shaving my legs I try to stand ad fell back twice. I get out finally., dry myself off and notice I am bleeding. More like gushing. I hobble to my room where my band aids I got with my Copaxone kit are. It takes me forever to open the first band aid (btw these are small round ones) and my cut is about to drip. Get the first one on where I think the cut is because my leg is so covered in blood I could not see. It is still drippy so I go to open another and since my fingers are still wet with blood this one curls up onto itself and becomes unable. I finally get the third band aid open and put on the second one on my right leg.
I got so annoyed with this I was cursing my life and this disease. So all I have to say in response to this day so far is...AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!

abd my right hand is shaking as I try to edit this post. Fuck MS....fuck it I say.

broken glass...kitchen fiasco

so I have been on a cleaning tirade because living in such squalor embarrasses me. Living in a clean home makes you feel good about yourself. So as I tackle all the bowls with food crusted on them and wine glasses from last night I was cleaning a pub glass. As I got it all soapy and was about to rinse it, it slips out of my hand and a chunk breaks off. I break out the broom and dust pan out of the closet; already exhausted from cleaning a whole sink of dishes. As I am trying to sweep up the glass I cannot see where the [piece went. And I am dropping the broom and falling over. I had to sit and that is what brings me here.

sometime we will find the glass...

Monday, April 18, 2011

less shaky hand

my right hand seems to be shaking less. I even use it when I am using my Wii again! Richard did say that when I would sleep my body would be healing itself. Just makes me happy. And I am glad he taught my body the pain off and on switch, but really I have not needed to use it much, which is good. Overall, Everything is getting better.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Rebiff switch

so all of my worries of starting Rebiff were so silly. It is not much different than Copaxone and I did not get hit with the side effects that much because I told my body I would not get them. What a relief!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I seem to have great aspirations to take my positive spirit and fight for MS into positive speaking. I may just turn what I document in my blog to a book, maybe ghost-written by someone. hey if MS will take my dreams of traveling around the world as an art history professor, I will use the MS to do just that. Use the =disease against itself.
What do you say?

I will definitely have to thank my old therapist for guiding my to this. She was the one who said document my thoughts and experiences with MS and write it in a blog.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

the mild benefits of the shaky hand

so there is a small benefit to the shaky right hand. I can use my left hand for a few thing, with thanks to Richard Chase for helping me gain control of my left hand.

I have another appt this Wednesday with Richard for my shaky right hand. Yay for MS (more surprises). I am too strong and I have great people in my life to help me, like Shawn and my other friends and family. Thank you for making mg stronger :)A big note of thanks yto Richard for helping me. I am and will be in your debt.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Fighting MS with hypnotherapy

Long story short-my right hand started shaking uncontrollably, sometimes super fast. Although it gave a reason why I have horrible penmanship this was REALLY annoying. It made it hard to hold a phone and do my daily Copaxone shot.
Dr. Richard Chase of Chase the Mind Hypnosis had heard of my troubles, since he is a good friend,and offered to do some more hypnotherapy. He had done this for me before when my left hand was shaky and dull in sensation. After that first session I had full feeling in my left hand and it was not shaking anymore, uncontrollably,

So during this most recent session I did have trouble relaxing at first because my right hand was shaking hard. After the session my hand, although not completely better yet I was told it will take a bit but every day will get better. The evening after the session my hand was still shaking pretty hard but each day it is getting better. Although I still shake and my penmanship is still hard to do, I am so very hopeful because today was much better than when I saw him. which makes me hopeful. I go back to his office next Wednesday. I know this will get better and I believe if you can tell your body in this it will, just like quitting smoking, and dealing with stress.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Shaky hands still

so my right hand is still shaky. I thought it may be the three cups of coffee I had yesterday and so I drank decaf this morning...still shaky. I try going into my bedroom to meditate on the gray mist that Richard Chase my hypnotherapist and friend set to invoke in me...yeah it is hard to meditate while the right hand is still shaking. Even typing this is hard which I definitely must use the spell-checker before I post.
When will this ever let up?? This is so hard... I guess what is harder will make you stronger? If so I better get to the point to kick Chuck Norris's ass.

Monday, March 28, 2011

Telling yourself that you are in control

Some people see the worst outcomes in the cards that you are dealt with, and that definitely true with MS. Outsiders say-"Having MS will mean you are going to be in a wheelchair-You will become unable to If you have a shaky hand for example that will never go back to normal-=both of which are UNTRUE. At least in my experience. Had a shaky left hand without full sensation but it is back to NORMAL with the hypnotherapy help of Richard Chase of Chase The Mind Hypnosis. Every time I see someone in a wheelchair or an ad for a power scooter I think to myself-"I will NOT be in one until I am older. Even though I use a cane I am healthier than I have ever been. I eat leafy greens (spinach, collard greens-both are high in iron and calcium, ride my stationary recumbent bike and lift hand weights (I am seeing muscle in just 2 weeks), quit smoking when I was diagnosed,

who says that with a disease you are going to have their and project their negativity? Telling a person that these things will happen, some people may fall for believing it. I think with the power of psitive outlooks you can maybe change your future outcomes.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Pizza and shaky hands

So tonight Shawn and I without a car and various ingredients to make any dinner have decided to get some pizza delivered. After a while the pizza was delivered and we were both so Happy and hungry for the pizza. It was too hot so Shawn grabbed us some cutlery- forks and knives. As I go to cut a slice of it my right hand started shaking uncontrollably. Why?????????????!!!!!!! It just isn't fair. Shawn offered to cut my pizza for me but I'M 28. I felt like such a child. I am still shedding tears about this conundrum with the pizza. Just so frustrating when my muscles crap out and I have to train my body on how to do things, i.e. tie shoelaces, button a button, and now maybe cutting my food?!

Monday, March 14, 2011

trying to strike the fear

Well in about two weeks I will see my neurologist again, start the Rebiff and possibly get an MRI of my spine because I know that was mentioned when I was last there. Oh and I have to speak to them about getting help to fill out my Social security Disability form. I am just nervous about all that. Mostly about starting a duff medication. I don't know how this will have to be injected. I hope they have someone who can show me like they had for Copaxone. I know I can get past the fear and maybe it's like a swimming pool...you just have to jump in?

Thursday, March 3, 2011


so I did my workouts which z am quite proud of and was able to do the laundry too. I felt quite productive. Then as I am about to go outside to wash the inside of our trash can- it was quite nasty looking- I fell right on my ass as I was leaving the front door. WEEEEE go MS. I guess even with my workouts to make my body stronger it still creeps up on me.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

remembering my limit

I try to do so much around the house. Things that I used to feel normal doing. Like dishes, laundry, cleaning and other daily activities. Now I know I either must take time for breaks or be open to help. It's just that I am not used to that.

I am working out again though. Right now sets of 30 3x a day crunches that I want to do 5-6 days a week and each week adding 10 more. then doing 3 reps of 12 lifting the 4lb weight I have for each arm then holding the weight over the the middle of shoulders with both hands and putting it over my head. I see people in wheelchairs and they are so DUMPY! I will never let myself be one of those people. Even though I have mobility issues, balance issues, everything else that comes with MS, I know I am too strong to not put up a fight

Friday, February 25, 2011

Keep those toes a wiggling!

When I had my left side of my body basically go numb and I couldn't even pick up my legs when I walked, I walked like Igor. Months later was when I could not even walk one day and Shawn drove me straight to the ER. They started me on an IV of stereoids which lasted about 5-6 weeks. After a short while on the stereoids I could slowly move my body a bit more every day. My father installed me with great but simple wisdom- "Keep those toes a-wiggling". And you better believe I did!! Now even today when my range of motion is a lot better than it was then I still keep them wiggling. It is like the saying "If you don't use it you lose it"? well not exactly but I think now that I can do it I want my body to keep remembering how to do things. I mean when I was in the hosoital they had to retrain me to tie a shoelace and button a button.

When your body has a new disability you have to re-teach your body how todo it, even if it is the simplest thing. So don't take tying your dhoelaces for granted because there are grown people out there who have a disability that prevents them from doing it, which has made me cry because even a 5 year old can do it! But after re-learning how to do it with your disabiity you must remain patient. MS did teach me one very important lesson-PATIENCE!

So this is why I cannot sleep with socks on. I need to have freedom of my toes so I can keep them a-wiggling.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

waight gain reasons?

SoI have recently gained a lot of weight since the MS 1st started taking it's toll. I have read in one post online somewhere about people gaining weight from taking Copaxone. There is also the lack of walking around much but this is what I do not understand...I eat less than I used to, eat better, and workout. And it could be because of age. I am healthier than I ever was. I quit smoking, eat better and workout as best as I can. It really upsets me because I look in a mirror and I get grossed out by myself. How can Shawn or anyone find me attractive? argh it is so frustrating. what I can continue to do is eat right and workout as I have been.

Monday, February 14, 2011

knowing limitations

So I get so frustrated when I try to do some things, the simplest of them sometimes too. A few years back I had no sensation in my left hand and was unable to do things that are so simple. Like tie a shoelace or button a button. Now it's hook up my bra strap or help box things up for our move. It is frustrating to known that I may have limitations and to stop there. I mean I am only 28, have to walk with a cane, and be unable to do things.

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Walking trouble

so early this morning I had to pee. Not unusual but I couldn't walk or even stand. I'm thinking Oh great not that again. Well Shawn called for an ambulance. They took me to OHSU where everyone does such a great job. Well after a few hours of them inspecting me and the like my legs kept getting progressively better. Eventually I was released because it was determined that because my body was fighting so hard from being sick the past couple days it eventually set up a flare up of my old lesion. It will get better so in total didn't have to stay in the hospital, leave with a prescription. So in the end YAY FOR MORE SURPRISES but you know I am lucky it is not as bad as it could be.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

the decision

I think I have decided to go with Rebiff for my change of MS medication. It does not seem as strong and extreme as Tsyabri. Tysabri has a ton of side effects and is a heck of a lot stronger and dangerous. Copaxone was a great starter level but did not stop more lesions. Rebiff would be the next level because it is stronger than Copaxone but not as strong as Tysabri. if the Rebiff doesn't work then I can take Tysabri. Feels good to know my path and to know that it is a logical path and will be the right one.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Soon to change meds

went to see my numerologist and bad news. my hopes of them tak1ng one look @ my MRI, and say1ng, "I don't see any s1gn of MS" d1d not work. Have new lesions so the Copaxone 1sn't work1ng. Just l1ke my IO button, hence the subst1tute. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGHH so frustrat1ng

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Keep wiggling your toes!

I have been remembering something my father said to me after I ended up in the hospital because I could not walk. He said after I called my parents and told them I could walk again. He said as the phone conversation was over "Keep those toes a wiggling". Now I have noticed that I still do this. I figure do even the simplest things because I know with MS you may not be able to do the simplest things. I once was unable to do a button or even tie a shoe lace. The simplest of things. Never take those simple things for granted but know that if you put your mind to it and have patience. I know can walk with a cane, climb stairs, tie shoelaces, and on occasion do a button...if it is a bigger button. Just proof iof you put your mind to it and have patience you can do it!

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Dpn't Cry Over Spillt Coffee

The other day I made a great cup of hazelnut coffee and I had to carry the mug over to the futon where I was sitting. Well my hand all of a sudden got shaky and I spill the coffee in a few spots till I make it to the table. When I finally get there I go to set the mug down and end up setting it crooked. Well the entire mug's contents spill all over the table!!! I run to the linen closet to get a towel to dry the table as I shed some tears. But that only lasts a while until I remember I still have
e some coffee left in the pot. ack Was not an emergency! :)

Now today as I noticed something on the floor which I thought was a dish, my legs gave out, fell smack dab on my ass. Shawn is helpful asking me "Are you OK?" My lower back hurt a bit from falling but Overall I was OK. "I can get up but I just want to sit a second." Well I do-until I realize my butt is soaked because I spilled my cup of water on the floor 1st. Will no wonder pain can be a symptom of MS. We fall often and it sometimes hurts. Thing is remember it could always be worse.

I am healthier now that I have MS. I quit smoking, eat healthier, a lot healthier, ride my stationary recumbent 3 days a week for 30 mins and have other exercises I have to do. I have a great husband, friends, and family as a support system! That is what keeps me so strong through all of it. Well I am strong too but it helps!