dreams are gone

I feel like my dreams were stripped away from me. I had thought that I would be a professor or a curator at MoMA and going to study in Germany. So many dreams I dont think I will will ever do since I can barely walk. I have to keep hope alive

blah

I dont know if I want life to keep going on if it continues like this. I dunno...I am in a lot of pain and when I cant do things I feel the frustration of my husband.

kitchen fun

hooray for almost falling over twice and catching myself with the counter but spillt water all over the floor. when can I see a neurologist? this is not fair!!!!

I am super exhausted

I try to clean my kitchen and I can only stand for 20 mins max. Why does it seewm like this disease is hitting me faster than most?!? I eat right-fish, grains, veggies, fruit-ride my recumbant stationary bike and take the Copaxone. This makes no sense

pain

my body sux!! I dunno...sometimes when I have trouble walking it just needs to end. I really want this squeezing feeling to go away. why does god hate me?

Why am I like this?

You may ask why I am crabby right now. Well maybe it is because I was stuck at home almost all day again, as I always am because I do not own a car nor can I walk down to the bus stop. Or maybe because I moved across the country, thousands of miles away from my family, friends and dream job, or maybe just maybe because I have now an overdrafted bank account because we had to pay our rent and we cannot even pay the rest od our utilities. yeah Im crabby. Now yu have invited YOUR friends to stay with us for a week. yeah cuz we have TONS of money to feed you, pay for the more water you will be using. YAY! yes I am crabby.

just plain old sick

I am sick of being sick. My MS,anxiety, homesickness, loneliness is just hard!! I have no friends here and I am so far away from home. So many people I meet here are single serving friends it seems The friendship lasts just one chance encounter. It scares me to pieces not having health insurance or a Dr and I just miss my family so much. I miss going over to their place for a weekend and I miss the few friends I had there. I just need to get this out I know it takes time and I should be more adventuresome and go out and meet people but I just don't do that and never have done that. Every time I ever tried I just ended up sitting in a cafe alone. Aarggghh it is so frustrating.

how my MS first started

I spent 5 years of my life going to school for a major in art history. I got my foot in the door to volunteer at the local museum in our city through my psychiatrist. well i jumped in immediately the summer of 2006 when I was 26. It was amazing that in 3 months I had a job interview there. When I was on my way there on the bus for about an hour I started to have to pee. In America we are extremely have a lack of public restrooms. I was almost to the museum when i started to pee myself! argh, i have never done that since i was young. I was thinking why the hell did this have to happen now?! When i got into the museum I immediately went to the bathroom, pulled off my tights, hoped to god I remembered to shave, and washed my legs down. Then i put the strongest smelling lotion I had on me on my legs and sprayed some perfume. I went to the interview hoping to god that they would not be able to smell the pee on me.

Well I guess they couldn't because I got the job. I could not believe it! I found a job at one of the best art museums in the nation. I was so happy and work the hardest I could. You can fight this! Months go by and then my eyesight started getting blurry. Long story short I went to the eye doctor and they noticed some bloackage in my vision. At first they thought I may have brain cancer so they set up another visit for me with a neurology eye sight specialist. he ordered me to do an MRI. After that he asked me to meet with a doctor at the Mellen Center. Little did I kow that it